Friday, October 11, 2013

Two years..but I'm not counting

Tomorrow is October 12. This date will forever represent the day that it all changed. And if I said "good change" you would either think I was callous or normal.... Depending on if you have "that" date in your family or not. My daughter doesn't recognize the man in the picture....that's a tough thing to face. His face will forever make me smile.

This is a picture of my dad in 2008. Before my family started remembering dates that change our lives. And October 12, 2011 he went to heaven. I like to say his impatience and curiosity finally caught up with him and he won the ultimate race.

You can read more about it here...

(I don't know how to do fancy links on this app..sorry)

We were and are again, that nauseating beaver cleaver family that really loves each other. We had a hard couple of years but God has been so faithful and has held on to my family so tightly. Our first date was January 31, 2009. I won't rehash the details. I've blogged about it. So did my sister ( We've blogged and talked and cried and paid a lot of money to a shrink and we've survived.

And if my dad's death accomplished anything, it was bring us all back to the Savior's feet. Humble. Mourning. Angry. And in need of a little help.

In the beginning, I didn't think I would ever stop counting the days. Then keeping up with the weeks. Or months. But we finally made it to counting the years. I call this healing. We miss him. We will see him again.

My family was so supported by friends and family right after daddy left us. We received so many flowers and plants. And two years later, look what I haven't killed...

The last four were all in the same pot. And I just about killed them. Last year I decided to repot them. And really had to pray about the fact that they could possibly fade away. I struggled with what that would mean. (And if it would make me cry....ugh).

As you can see, they are alive and look back at the pictures, NEW GROWTH. I just noticed it today. NEW GROWTH two years later. What a wonderful surprise and reason to celebrate.

My dad still sneaks up on us. He's like a 6'6" ninja. Sneaking up when we least expect it.

Just exactly when my soul needs it. I stop. Remember. And talk about this amazing man that was lucky enough to be my dad. ;) such a lucky guy....

My mom went to see dad today. To spend time with her best friend of 35 years. And to cry (probably) for the loss we feel. I bet she laughs too because my daddy brought such great joy to everyone around him.

Tomorrow will be a hard day for my family. And next year will be a hard day for my family. We'll have hard (ninja) days in between. We'll laugh at the days ahead and have no fear. Joy will fill our cups and overflow to those around us. And HIS peace will settle on our shoulders.

And soon enough... We'll see Toot-Toot again.

I bet he'll have lots of good jokes to tell us.

Joyfully full of it,


Be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid. Do not be discouraged; The Lord your God is with you wherever you go.
Joshua 1:9

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Lemons and Love

Well, you know the saying...."when you buy a bag of lemons at Walmart, you make lemonade with the hope that you can use the time to bond with your son who is struggling." You've heard that right? ;)

So that's what we did Monday. We made lemonade. Just me and my sweet little man. His idea. We googled the recipe just like Martha Stewart would do and make sugar filled lemonade.

And it was delightful. The minutes we spent together as well as the delicious lemonade. I have missed this sweet boy and his smile. I miss having days that aren't tear filled and painful.

In fact, we are having a hard day today. But I'm clinging to that handsome smiling face today and pressing into him until I find a way to love him through this mess of growing up.

I'm claiming a verse my mom reminded me of that got us through a rough patch before....

Ephesians 3:17b-21
And I pray that you [Michael], being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you [Michael] may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all the generations [even this current generation], for ever and ever! Amen.

There some real power in those verses that I need to cling to when I'm deflated and beat down by the burden of parenting my beautiful children.

Joyfully full of whatever I can get....